Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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