don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
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she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
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also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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