I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
