it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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