y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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