We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Vodka?
Forever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
