Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
