Do you still have your period?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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