i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
