why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
