We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
this boner is exhausting
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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