so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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