bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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