if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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