you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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