Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
