Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
