yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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