No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
