cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
