and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
