i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
