You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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