I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
