omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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