probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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