Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
