I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
