I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Randomize
