Soap is not a condiment
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
We just shotgunned beers for America
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
