I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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