so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
