I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
