so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
