it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
