That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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