Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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