I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
