he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
