Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
