My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
