Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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