3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And then he peed in my hair
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