cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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