I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
