Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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