Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
