before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
