I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
