I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We had sex on a dog bed..
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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