i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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