I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
