Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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