i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
