i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
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he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize