my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
