Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
40s are totally the cure
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
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