She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
