smell my finger.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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