the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
