it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
