you win again, gameday.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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