My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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