your parents love me but you hate me
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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