Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
