I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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