Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
