what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
