I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
