Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
