This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize