Your face is a jimmy john
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
