I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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