And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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