you traded sex for a burrito?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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